the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
