...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
