Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
