So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
