My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
