I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
