apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You made out with two different species that night
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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