He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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