So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
