Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
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