Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
how drunk are you?
Several
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
