My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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