I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
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