Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
