i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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