I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
