so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 609 share tweet
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
