so that wasnt chicken after all
just come out here and I will go home with you...
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
