Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
