but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
