so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
