Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
