I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
