We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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