I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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