Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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