Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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