Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
You can't motorboat a personality
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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