Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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