also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
