Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
