i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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