I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
