i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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