It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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