He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
