There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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