he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
