Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
