You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
