i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
