Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
