I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
vagina is talking i cant
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
