Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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