don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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