I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
