His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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