You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
