Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
