so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
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