so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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