I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
