when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
