I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
