I will die if light touches me.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
